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|  i am so broken that it isn't even fair.
my heart aches
constantly
I don't like the dark and i don't like the silence because it reminds me that i'm alone. alone in my life, alone in my heart, alone alone alone.
I will always be alone and it terrifies me.
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| as each day goes on it's becoming more and more likely that I am going to end my own life. | | |
| oh god.
it turns out the girl who doesn't have a heart
actually does. and oh lord is it breaking. I've been twisting and turning,
In a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
It's the better thing to do,
It's time to surrender,
It's been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore, Pieces don't fit here anymore.
You pulled me under,
If I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That's breaking my skin.
Well I'll hide all the bruises,
I'll hide all the damage that's done.
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.
Ooh don't missunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried.
But still I don't know why, no I don't know why.
I dont know why...... why | | |
| I saw that girl
half hooved
and smiling Last night I dreamed in a mirror
of a room filled with people
bathed in fur and silk
and drowning in apathy Across the room I saw a girl
she danced across the room in rhythm to the waltz
gently humming in the background.
Her eyes were filled with smiles and tears
Her touch was colder than Dante's Hell.
She had a chipped tooth, a broken smile, a broken soul.
She spoke to me in a voice softer than velvet. But those manufactured souls seemed so inviting
with their scent of lavender
and eyes deader than Gregor Samsa. I left with them in their limo and they invited me into their homes.
They bound me and raped me and left me broken on the floor.
Through the window I saw the girl and realised
it was not a window at all. I'm happy. But does that mean I've betrayed myself? Betrayed my virtues? I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. | | |
| Ok so last night was incredible. First of all, the show went impeccably. It was so amazing and people loved it. it was one of the biggest opening night audiences I'd ever seen. Ok so during intermission I got a text from Cat saying "I just met Jason" AND MY HEART LEAPED OUT OF MY SKIN. I just got nervous at that moment and all I wanted was the show to be over so I could go see him. So I go out and I see my friends, who, by the way, are so fucking adorable and I love them for coming to see me, Kevin, Miranda, and Cat. We all decided we'll go to Americana afterwards so I tell them I'll meet them and they leave. I see Jason and Dean and I go over and just, I know I've said it before, but I'm so comfortable around them. I never have to think twice about what I'm goign to say. They were so cute and adorable. I stuck my face out for Jason to kiss and they both kissed my cheeks at the same time. It was precious and I felt so loved. Ok so then I said my goodbyes, got changed, and left for Americana. Loved how I was on the road and was like, theyre gonna be so mad at me for being late and it ended up they were all right behind me. Americana was great and I had a blast. I love the three of them to pieces. IT WAS SO GOOD. And also, Jessica is so sweet because I told her about how Nick was supposed to show up one of these days and she said she'd come over and save me and she thought Jay was Nick and she's just like, do you need me? MY GOD. I'm crazy about everyone in this show, and just everyone in my life in general. <333333 | | |
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